


If This Is Redemption, Why Do I Bother At All?

by Vendetta1897



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Drugs, God is a prick, Little awww moment, Maze on a mission, Mentions of Suicide, Suicide Attempt, definately an oh shit moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-28 00:26:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8423590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vendetta1897/pseuds/Vendetta1897
Summary: Definite angst, takes place after s02e05, my take on an alternate ending.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Righto, inspiration hit, this was done in a few hours, sorry for any mistakes and all that. Hope you all enjoy and Antartic_Echoes, I'm sorry if the middle part upsets you but the ending should help :)

Chloe startled awake when the front door slammed shut. Squinting, she glanced over at Trixie's Disney Princess clock, 3am. She knew Maze was often out late, but she could at least be quiet about it. Standing, Chloe pulled her daughters blanket up around her shoulders and kissed her hair before walking to the bedroom door. Closing it quietly behind her, even though she knew Trixie could sleep like the dead, the detective turned to see Maze striding toward her, a woman on a mission.

"Come, we need to go, now." the demon barked out, grabbing her arm and dragging her to the front door.

Frowning, her sleep addled mind trying to process what was going on, the detective resisted, digging in her heels until Maze turned to her with a face like thunder. But the demons signature scowl didn't unnerve her like it used to and she stood her ground.

"I can't just leave Trixie in the middle of the night. What's going on Maze?"

The vicious woman seemed to deflate a bit, her eyes softening in a way Chloe had never seen before. At this Chloe tensed, something had to be very wrong to elicit this sort of reaction from Maze.

Chloe raised her hand and gently placed it on the woman's arm before repeating her question, "What is it Maze? What's wrong?"

Seemingly steeling herself she quietly replied, "It's Lucifer, he... he's not in a good way."

Her eyes widened as worry flooded her system. C'mon Decker, stay calm she thought to herself before saying, "Okay, give me a minute."

Chloe took out her phone and dialled Dan's number and released the breath she hadn't known she was holding when she received a groggy "Hello… Chloe?"

"Hi, Dan, I need a favour, can you come over and watch Trix for a bit," she glanced up at Maze, at the rate the demon was anxiously pacing in the living room she was going to wear a hole in the floor, "It's an emergency."

*****

Fifteen minutes later there was a knock, Chloe went to open the door but Maze stormed passed and yanked it open with a threatening "It took you long enough!"

Dan recoiled slightly before Chloe motioned him inside, "It’s an emergency, I’m sorry, I don't know how long I'm going to be." she said apologetically.

"It's okay, finally got a day off from being everyone’s bitch tomorrow.” He eyed her critically, “Look, Chloe, what's going on? The call in the middle of the night to watch Trix-"

"It's a long story Dan, one I don't know yet myself," she interrupted, "Thanks for watching Trix, I'll send you a message when I'm coming home, okay?"

"...Okay, um, be careful...?" Dan offered, to which Chloe nodded once and followed Maze out the door and to her car where she proceeded to drive, well for want of a better term, like the hounds of hell were nipping at her heels.

Unable to bare the tense silence any longer Chloe turned to her manic driver, "Okay, can you fill me in please Maze? You're starting to really worry me."

Glancing at her out of the corner of her eye she huffed, "Listen carefully Decker and listen well," Chloe raised an eyebrow, the detective liked to think they had become friends in recent weeks, evident in their moving in together. For the woman to call her 'Decker' hinted at the true seriousness of the situation, "Because I'm only saying this once."

Chloe quietly listened to the events of the night, as they pertained to Lucifer and his former bartender, her eyes widening further in shock the more she learned.

Once Maze had finished Chloe opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. It took her a few tries to voice what was spinning around in her mind.

"So Lucifer wasn't over dramatising earlier? I really was in danger? And it was his younger brother, Uriel, who was causing the problem?" Maze nodded as the detective stated her questions, "And that 'family’ business Lucifer had to attend to earlier, after the case... he met up with his brother and ended up killing him in order to save me...?"

Maze huffed a humourless laugh, "So she can be taught, mostly at least."

Chloe turned her gaze from Maze, staring pensively at road in front as they almost flew toward their destination, attempting to process even a little bit of what she'd been told. Lucifer would do that for her? Of course he would, he was always there for her, just as she would always be there for him in their weird yet functional partnership. But the sheer magnitude of the deed was astounding, what must Lucifer be going through now? All of a sudden a thought, unbidden, rushed to the fore of her mind causing her to twist toward Maze.

"H-he wouldn’t do something... stupid, would he?" Her voice shaking slightly at the implication.

Maze's jaw locked, her lips forming a thin line as she answered, "Why d'you think I'm driving like I have a death wish?"

In that moment all the air left her body, Chloe sat back in her seat staring at the road once more, her hand gripping the door handle hard enough to turn her knuckles white as her mind ran through the endless possibilities, preparing herself for what they may find. Hoping against all hope that Maze was wrong.

*****

Maze screeched to a stop in the alley behind Lux, throwing the door open and strode at a furious pace to the back door. Chloe jumped out and ran after her, reaching her side just as she unlocked the door and gestured inside. 

Once in the nightclub Maze ushered the detective to the elevator, coming to a stop in front of the doors and pressing the button. Nothing happened. Maze glared at the offending object before stabbing it repeatedly. Still nothing.

"He's disabled the elevator!" With a growl she took off to the emergency exit, and started to run up the stairs to the penthouse, Chloe close behind. The door opened onto a part of the penthouse Chloe hadn't been in before but she paid it no heed, simply following Maze to the main living area, her heart in her throat. 

They came to a stop when they reached their destination, frantically scanning the room for their target. Spotting a foot clad in an expensive Italian leather dress shoe, Chloe made for the biggest sofa, the one where she had tried to kiss Lucifer when she was drunk, that ill-fated night seemed like so long ago, so much had happened to them all since then.

Rounding the end of the sofa Chloe gasped, her hand rising to cover her mouth. Before her, spread out over the furniture, was Lucifer. She'd never seen him look this bad before, not even after his apparent death. He was in complete disarray, his normally immaculate shirt untucked, creased and splattered with blood. His hair mussed, and not in a good way, dark circles under his eyes, face pale; he looked gaunt, a far cry from the man she saw only the previous afternoon. It was then that she noticed that his left sleeve was rolled up passed his elbow and what looked like a shirt tie wrapped around his arm. Beneath which she could discern a pockmark in his skin.

Dread filled her as she ran forward and slid to her knees, knocking the needle which was now on the floor beside his prone form. Carefully picking it up she noted that the plunger was dully depressed, the entire contents of which was now in Lucifer's system. Quickly placing the needle on the coffee table she turned back to Lucifer, now that she was closer she could see the rapid rise and fall of his chest and just how shallow his breaths were as well and her face pinched with worry. ‘Is he going to make it?’ and ‘please don’t die you idiot!’ the only things on her mind.

Maze came up behind Chloe, picking up and inspecting the needle, "Heroine," she clarified, "Pure, and a lot of it."

Squeezing her eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling, Chloe shook her head, she had to concentrate, "So he tried to overdose." she muttered, placing her hand on Lucifer's stubble lined cheek. 

Slowly, Lucifer opened his eyes and blearily tried to focus on the face in front of him and manged to croak out a quiet, "Chloe, y-you're safe now... safe now."

Chloe and Maze stared in shock, not having thought he was anywhere even close to being conscious. 

"Yes, Lucifer, I'm safe, I'm here okay, I'm here for you." she whispered whilst rubbing her thumb over his short 5 o'clock stubble, "And I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm here to stay."

Lucifer offered up a weak smile that didn't quite reach his eyes before dropping back off into unconsciousness, face twitching and murmuring frantically.

Maze dropped down into a crouch next to Chloe, taking her master's hand. No matter what she said, how much she griped, nor how much independence she showed, she would always be with him. She literally followed him through the gates of hell almost 6 years ago to the mortal plane, that takes true conviction and loyalty, he wasn't getting rid of her any time soon.

Lucifer's body convulsed, his face screwing up in pain as he groaned.

Chloe turned worried eyes to Maze, "We need to call for an ambulance, we need to go him to hos-" but she didn't get to finish. She was suddenly overpowered by images flashing through her mind. Memories, they were memories. But, they weren't hers.

Just as the noise coming from hundreds upon thousands of different moments was becoming unbearable it stopped, focusing on one in particular. In which she saw a young Lucifer, he looked to be a teenager, possibly 16 or 17, but that wasn't the most surprising thing. Great white wings sprouted from his back, glowing with a warmth that she had never experienced. They were beautiful in their magnificence.

Chloe looked around and saw that they were standing in a room of white marble, before a simple yet domineering throne. Two young men stood at either side; one with alabaster skin and hair so blond it was almost white, piercing ice blue eyes trained on the young Lucifer, the other she recognised as Lucifer's eldest brother Amenadiel, all be it a younger version. The figure sitting upon the throne, however, kept shifting in and out of focus, as if they were here but, at the same time they weren't; as if they were at once everything and nothing. And when they spoke, their voice was that of many and resonated within her very soul.

"You disappoint me, Samael." 

Wait, the person on the throne was calling Lucifer, Samael? Chloe frowned in confusion recalling the short period in which she had investigated Lucifer after their first case. She, admittedly, did look into the Biblical side of things, finding that the devil had many names, not just titles; Baal, Beelzebub, Abaddon, Apollyon, Belial. But that he had a different name when he lived in heaven, before his banishment. Samael. Chloe's head snapped to Lucifer, for he would always be Lucifer to her, could he really be...? Oh God, this wasn't a dream, was it? Breaking into her little existential crisis, she hears Lucifer voice a simple question that draws her attention back to the proceedings before her.

"But, father, are we not your children too?"

Such an innocent question. From such an innocent being. Yet it caused such an explosive reaction.

"You dare to question my decisions? You presume too much boy! I have a plan, and it is naught but my own, it is not something you could hope to understand! You must be taught that you do not question higher powers!" the voice, of God, Chloe realised, was so intense that it felt as though her skull was going to shatter. She watched helplessly, unable to move, as the almighty delivered his next orders.

"Samael, you are to be cast out, to be damned to Hell for all eternity."

She could see Lucifer's form go rigid, his wings shivering slightly as if he were preparing to take off, to run. 

"B-but father..." he began to plead.

"Enough, Samael, my word is final. I will not be swayed on the matter. Michael," God addressed the blond angel, "break his wings, for his arrogance and pride he shall fall, never to rise again."

The blond, Michael, bowed to his father not uttering a word, and then strode toward Lucifer. A look of grim determination on his face.

"Michael, Mike, please don't." the young Lucifer pleaded with his brother but Michael didn't so much as flinch. 

All of a sudden, with a speed beyond what any human could achieve, Michael darted forward, seized Lucifer's wings and twisted. The dry snap of breaking bones echoed throughout the chamber along with Lucifer's howl of pain before he slumped to the floor. Michael kept a hold of Lucifer's wings and marched out of the throne room dragging his brother behind him, Chloe's perspective changing as they moved. Michael quickly reached the edge of Heaven, pulling Lucifer around in front of him and holding him over the precipice. Lucifer's face was a mask of pain, both physical and emotional, and in that moment Chloe knew. She knew why he always hid behind his jokes and innuendo, because he had felt a betrayal beyond any other, and to shut down was a safeguard to protect him from ever having to feel this again.

Michael's face, however, didn't show an ounce of remorse or guilt as his brother hung limply in his grasp. Then, without a word, he let go. And Lucifer fell.

In the beginning he spun, out of control, his wings fluttering around him, useless. But when he reached terminal velocity, he began to burn and Chloe could hear his screams of pain over the noise of the wind, could feel the agony radiating from his very soul. Chloe had been so focused on Lucifer's suffering to notice that the scenery around her had changed, had morphed into a barren, fiery landscape, this was Hell. Lucifer hit the ground hard enough to leave a crater in the jagged rock. He was semi-conscious, peering up at the heavens, a single tear tracking down his cheek before his eyes closed. In that moment Chloe felt her heart shatter, he shouldn't have had to endure this, and all for asking a question? She also felt unadulterated rage wash over her at the unfairness of the situation. He didn't do anything wrong, he wasn't a monster, he was just a broken child. Battered and abused by his own family and the warped view of mankind.

Just as quickly as she had entered this mind-blowing nightmare it ended. Chloe slumped down, releasing a shuddering breath. She was still caressing Lucifer's face while Maze held firm to his hand. It was a lot to take in, but in that moment she knew, even if Lucifer was the devil, he was hers. Hers to protect, to comfort, to annoy. And she wouldn't change a thing about him, to her he was perfect, although she would never admit that to him, his ego was big enough as it was.

Taking a deep breath to calm her racing thoughts Chloe turned to Maze who was gazing at Lucifer with grim determination.

"I knew the basics of what happened. Lucifer never liked to remember, so we didn't really talk about it. I knew it was bad though." the demon, yes definitely a real demon, quietly supplied.

Chloe turned back to Lucifer, her thumb still rubbing circles on his cheek, "He didn't deserve that. But he's here now, and he's got us, that's what matters."

Lucifer's eyes flickered open and focused on Chloe and Maze hunkered down next to him and whispered, "I'm sorry."

Chloe moved her hand to his shoulder and squeezed, "Just promise us something, never do that again, okay? We don't know what we'd do without you, and Trixie would be devastated." the detective knew using her daughter was a low blow but anything to make him agree, to make sure he stayed with them.

Smiling sadly Lucifer looked down at his wrists, curiously, Chloe followed his gaze. Something shifted, blurring slightly like a heat haze, before it settled once more revealing the truth about what lay beneath the glamour. A scar, one on each wrist, horrifying in their clarity they stood out starkly from his pale skin.

Chloe ran her fingers lightly over the raised marks, "When...?" Her voice faded out, not knowing how to finish the sentence.

Lucifer placed his hand over hers and when she eventually dragged her gaze from the scars she could see the pain and sadness in his eyes, "My dear detective, I gave up a long time ago, I’m sorry to say I tried to end it all on quite a few occasions, you can thank Maze for being too stubborn to just let me die." he squeezed her hand, "But you, you've given me something to hope for. Everything was dark for a long time, but now my life has some light in it because of you and your small human. Thank you." He breathed.

"Oh Lucifer," Chloe choked out, her eyes filling up.

His smile turned more genuine as he reached up his hand and wiped away a tear that had escaped, Chloe took his hand in both of hers and held it to her, never wanting to let go.

Lucifer's eyes slid shut as Maze nodded, "His breathing is better, and he doesn't look like death warmed up any more, he should be alright," she stood and addressed Lucifer this time, "Let's get you to the bed, you can sleep it off there."

Lucifer grunted his agreement, the exhaustion of the past few hours taking over completely. Maze bent down and pulled the devil to his feet, throwing his arm over her shoulder and made for the bedroom, Chloe stood and moved to support his other side. Once they laid him down Maze mumbled something about Amenadiel and then left, her work done. Chloe gazed down at Lucifer, worry still eating away at her insides, she couldn't leave him, not after all this.

She whipped out her phone and fired off a text to Dan explaining that she was caught up in something and it was important, and could he take Trixie tomorrow? For once she received a quick reply saying it wasn't a problem. The detective placed her phone on the bedside table and then turned to place her jacket over the chair, but before she could move any further a hand had wrapped almost feebly around her wrist. 

"Stay, please." Lucifer asked in almost a whisper, whether it was just from exhaustion or he was struggling with the emotions that it would dredge up from long forgotten depths, she didn't know but she already knew her answer.

"I'm not going anywhere," she looked down at him, then shrugged off her jacket and threw it to the chair before lying next to him. Then she shuffled closer, wrapped her arm around him and laid her head down on his chest.

He turned his head to look down at her, his eyes softening in the low light, before leaning down and kissing her forehead, "Thank you, Chloe."

In response Chloe snuggled further into him as his arm came up and wrapped around her. It wasn't long until his breathing evened out, Chloe just hoped - she'd never be praying again, even if she didn't mean it - that he would have a peaceful sleep, but she was there if he needed her. The detective soon drifted off alongside her devil, listening to the soothing beat of his heart.


End file.
